Jesus said that all we need is faith as big as a mustard seed. I’m grateful for that. Mustard seeds are small and so is my faith. It may appear bigger than a mustard seed, but I assure you that it isn’t. It is simply an itty bitty tiny bit of faith. I believe the Gospel in this moment.
He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
Then the Apostle Paul, later in 2 Timothy said that Jesus is faithful even when we are faithless. I’m grateful for that because in ten minutes I may have faith smaller than a mustard seed.
…if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13
The reality is that I am weak. He is strong. My faith is on shaky ground. He is a solid rock. I am quick to judge. He is quick to cover me in righteousness. I am unloving. He is Love. My heart is broken. He knows, understands and is the only balm for this weary soul.
Several months ago, Mike and I were in bed and I was crying. Broken. Sad. I told Mike, “This is too hard. This life we’ve been given is too hard. I can’t believe this anymore. I am weak.” He said, “You know you believe.” I said, “I do believe. But it’s hard. I can’t not believe, even if I wanted to stop believing.” (A double negative equals a positive, right?)
I cannot claim to have a lot of faith, because I do not. I am grateful that I am only required to have a little. There have been more times than not where I have argued with God because of life. I never got anywhere, but He has listened and He has comforted me with His Word and He has remained faithful when I have wallowed in my own self pity.
O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?
4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love. (hesed)
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?
6 I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.
8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.
Where my faith falls short, Grace abounds all the more. He promised that He would be enough. When I am hanging on by the dragging thread of His garment, He is pulling me and saying, “Don’t worry, I got this. I’ll take care of you. You can cry. You can yell. You’ll get bruised up, but you are Mine. I will not let you let go.”
I/we must rest in that Gospel Truth. That Jesus has come and lived a perfect life to be the sacrifice for this messed up world, to conquer death and to give us Life and Hope eternal. Even though the road is arduous, broken and difficult, Jesus is sure, steadfast, and an eternal friend and guide.