Disney Pixar’s Inside Out was released in theaters the summer of 2015. Our whole family went one Sunday after church. All six of us filled a row at the local theater and we chuckled and laughed together. When we got into the hot car, we talked about our favorite parts of the movie on the way home. A favorite was the angry bus driver at the end of the movie.
The movie was released to purchase in October of the same year. My girls and I were in Kansas City returning my mom and two friends to the airport so they could go home after The Accident, and on the way back to our house the girls and my friend, Katie, and I stopped for lunch and at Target before we headed back to Humansville. I saw the movie for sale and told Katie how great it was and I tossed it in our cart. When we got home that evening, we sat down with Mike and Josiah and watched the movie. We all sat there stunned. Inside Out suddenly had a very different meaning to our family than four months prior. It had funny parts yes, but it touched a very fresh and raw cord in our hearts. That movie stayed up on a shelf for awhile…
I didn’t want to get that in touch with my feelings through a cartoon.
A couple of months ago, I was driving to Springfield very early in the morning with a car full of kids for a robotics qualifier. Ellison asked to put on a movie for the drive down and all of the kids agreed on Inside Out. As they were chuckling about Sadness being dragged on the floor by Joy while touching and changing the memories from happy ones to sad ones, tears began to fall down my cheeks.
We have so many happy-turned-to-sad-memories.
Mike and I were discussing it last night on a date. With Boston’s ninth birthday next week, you can feel a somberness in our house.
With Boston being the youngest, all of our children have memories of him. Randomly something will come to the forefront of ones mind and they’ll say, “Remember Boston’s first word? It was a sentence! MY BACON!” (as he let a dog know he wasn’t going to share his bacon at 18 months old)
“Remember when we went to Monster Jam? Josiah helped Boston turn the living room into a monster truck track and Boston played with monster trucks for weeks after that!” (Josiah took the area rug in the living room and put books under it and toys to make monster truck jumps for Boston to fly is trucks over.)
“Remember Boston’s favorite word? AWKWARD! Everything was awkward and sometimes he wouldn’t use the word properly!” (But he did one day when he accidentally walked in on someone using the bathroom in a public place and they hadn’t locked the door and he turned around with big eyes and said, “AWKWARD!”)
These memories, we love them, but they also bring a smile and then immediate sadness, because our son, brother and friend is so incredibly missed. There are days where the grief is still very suffocating.
Grief is like that, whether it is the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship we all have memories that are happy with a hint of sadness around them, because an experience was well loved and there is hurt and sadness that lingers with it.
But we have a hope. A hope that is sure. A love that is great and immeasurable. A grace that is lavished and overflowing. These memories lingered with sadness is not all there is. For that I am so incredibly grateful.
We have this is a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain… Hebrews 6:19
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. I Corinthians 13:12
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:16-18
The steadfast love the the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 4:21
Despite our memories being touched by sadness and grief, the hope and confidence that we receive from our Savior is steadfast. It is secure. It is moored into a port of comfort because of the goodness of our LORD and the perfectness of his unfailing love for us.