I think that there are many times where I have compared. Well, really in all honesty, A LOT of times. More times then I could ever count. An insane amount of times. I compare my kids with other kids. I compare other kids skills to my kids skills. I compare someone’s cooking and housekeeping abilities to mine. Most of the time I’m convicted of my lack of excellent housekeeping skills in comparison to others. We compare the behavior of our children to other children. We compare how many kids we have or don’t have. We compare houses, cars, and anything else that we have. Why do we do this? To make ourselves feel better about what we have or don’t have? Maybe. But that’s not really my point.
We compare grace. We compare the grace that our Lord has given us. We compare the measure of grace that we’ve been given. Either it’s much grace, or not as much as the next person. In that, I think that we also compare pain. Our deep pain. Our hard pain and thinking that others haven’t gone through near as much pain as us or that others have been through more then we could ever bear.
I was talking to someone a few months ago and she’s older then I am and has known me my whole life. She said something that struck me. She said, “Jesus has shown you more grace then he has ever shown me.” I thought about that, and for a moment and I got a bit proud. “I’ve been shown more grace then someone older and wiser then me!” Then I thought, “No. No! NO!” I haven’t been shown more grace and she hasn’t been shown less grace, we’ve all been given the grace that we need to make it. It’s not a competition. It’s life. It’s what Jesus sees deemed for us to pass through in our life. His grace is sufficient for it all.
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians12:8-10 ESV
Because I love Jesus, doesn’t make me spared from pain. I can’t compare my pain to others and we can’t compare the grace that we receive in the midst of our pain. Simply because we get the grace that we need. It’s not comparable. It’s all the same. It’s all Jesus. Jesus died for us. Grace. Jesus saved us. Grace. Jesus is coming for us. Grace. Jesus will be our all in our time of need. Grace.
I was talking to another friend several months back and I was telling her that I lay awake at night and think about Ellison as a teenager, get completely overwhelmed and work myself into a panic that I won’t be a good mom and she’ll be sneaking out of the house and and and….well the list goes on and on. She said, “God has not given you the grace for a 16 year old girl. He’s only given you the grace for a 2 year old with high energy, full of love and a little crazy.” I could live with that. I’m ok with that. I have the grace for a 2 year old not a 16 year old and I can deal with that.
I cannot say that I feel like Jesus is enough. I struggle with that. I know that He is. I know that He is sovereign and has a perfect will, but I struggle with my flesh. What I want. What I need. I NEED my husband, my kids, my house. But if it’s all stripped away from me, I want to be able to say that Jesus is enough and He has been gracious to me. He saved me, He loves me, and therefore, He is enough. His grace is enough and His glory will be evident.